A film review, By me. Today, the Hobbit.

So I went to see the hobbit this morning, It would of been a nice start to the day, if i hadn't of woken so early.

Not a complaint about the film, just letting ya know. That if your going to go watch The Hobbit first thing in the morning, well at 10:15 because its the last showing.

Don't wake up so early. Have a lay in, Chill out. Then wake and make your way to the cinema.

Don't wake early have a coffee and write half a chapter of a romance that you are working on for some reason. Its going well though I may have to print it off and show some people It may have potential.

So anyway, Start your day with The Hobbit.

"yes that is from LOTR i know... FOTR."

So anyway we gets to the cinema and there palying the terminator theme, so you know its gona be a good fuckin' film if thats playin'. So we get the tickets and shit chillin out and were there dead on 10:15 so you know adverts are starting we got about 6 hours of them and 3 days of film to watch so lets get cracking.

And being the last day and so early I was thinking.

Either the cinema will be empty as shit, or packed as a mother fucker.

So it was packed but it was alright.

So skipping ahead to the fuckin' review and shit.

You guys won't mind spoilers and shit. Its been out in the cinema for about 2 od months now. I've tagged the hobbit and review in the thing, so your bound to of seen it.

Or your thinking.

"should i take my snot nose kid to see this shit? you know, the type of kid who would sit behind other movie goers and keep asking me shit like. Is that Gandalf, is he dead, and wheres frodo and sam"

I'm just guessing thats what your thinking, from the point of view of my mate Sean who i went to see it with. Was some kid behind us I couldn't hear em. Was brilliant.

I'm not really getting to the fuckin' review am I? hold on here it is.

The opening was really clever and shit. like LOTR it had a voice over and explained the back story and how it got to that point and shit, but was really done cleverly  Having bilbo tell the tale to frodo by writing his book. Then leading into the beginning of LOTR by frodo talking about the party and that he is going to go read by the woods and wate for Gandalf.
Really cleverly, not showing the dragon and stuff, just hinted seeing the tale. Saving it for later, or another film.

I think thats good enough for the prolog intro thing.

Also the transition from old bilbo to Hitchhiker Bilbo was really clever.
Smoke rings and stuff, Old Bilbo making on then Gandalf turning it to a butterfly was it? Then hitting Hitchhiker Bilbo with it. Just to get the attention.
Was a clever transition from present to past...

Thats an interesting question actually.
Bilbo tells the tale and the film goes back in time 60 years. so is it present to past, Or future to present?

So the introduction to characters was good as well  Starting slow one at a time so you get a taste of what the dwarfs will be like. By the first one eating Bilbos dinner, then with the arrival of another one it begins to escalate into lets just raid all the food and drink.
Then two more arrive.
Then the rest and Gandalf barr one.
The king.
So was quite good intro to each character  but dose seem difficult to try and do, have a small back story to each person to make them memorable and easy to remember there names. Just too difficult to do but handled well.

Also, I recon I should grow my beard like so.

Sorry about the lion the only picture I could find.

But it looks good though.

The misses said no, but you know what that means don't ya? it actually means yes.

So back to the film. It was quite an adventure film aswell, they revisited the past again and showed why the Dwarf King hates the Orc so much. Was quite nice, yet with Bilbos quesion of, What happened to the defiler. The Orc leader bloke.
Where Gandalf and one of the older Dwarfs looked at him like, hes alive but the Dwarf King dosent know. Secrets, those barstards.

But there the joke from The Clerks 2 about how LOTR was jsut about walking, and even the trees walked in the film.
Well in this one even the fuckin' mountains walk in that fuckin' film. I mean it was cool and all seeing this slow motion esk fight of these mountain rock-giants beating the shit out of each other, with... Rock, but still, the mountains walk in that shit.
Clever though.
And as for walking they did do more types of travel from the shire to the place they ended up, after the eagles dropped em off and shit. So the modes they chose were.

Walking.
Running.
horse Riding.
Flying.
Gandalf even teleported.
They also rode a bridge pathway thing down a valley mind shaft thing, You know in the goblin chamber area.
Bilbo traveled by falling as well, that was clever.
They used Rabbits as well, well the brown wizard who was on shrooms.

But that was just the good guys or dwarfs mode of transport.
Orcs used wolves or whatever, and that one goblin used a Zip-line.

So sticking with the goblin chamber area.
Don't worry i'll get back to the troles in a bit.
So Bilbo ducks away and managed to slip away from the goblins and shit, then goes all stealth and shit you know, looks like he's gona try and get the others out of shit. And starts walking around with his sword out. Now, hes a hobbit so he's stealth and shit but with the gay blue sword lighting up giving away his position, just dosent seem like a good idea for when your going to follow a group of goblins through a mountain.
Anyway a goblin comes along they have a scuffle and they end up fallin', and this is where we meet golum.
Now Golum was fuckin' badass man, all evil looking and shit, but also a cute little thing man, you'll want one as a pet, you know you would. if you could have Golum as a mate. You would take him to the pub with ya.
But with what they did with his eyes in the low light situation, having just this outline of Golum and big eyes which reflected like a cat. Looked really good and not scary, but you can tell that if you saw that in your house, like you wake up for a piss after a night out. You would shit yourself, then tell Golum to get back to his room.
The riddles were quite clever as well it really held your attention, It dose sound like something that could be quite boring to sit and watch its not a game show, but between the action and fast-paced getting the fuck out of there that is happening above was quite entertaining.
As it changed to being quite mellow and relaxed, with a feeling of danger which was only slight.
Was really cleverly done to keep it entertaining and gripping.

You know that this would be a song the Dwarfs would sing. We should get votes or some shit, preposition Peter Jackson into having a scene at the end of the 3rd one and shit, All the Dwarfs getting fuckin' slaughters singing this song.

So getting to the troll scene. That was quite clever, because you see trolls in LOTR and there just big, stupid things that dont speak, are just slaves. Seem like animals and nothing more.
Where as these three are, well not smart but you know. Have character and stuff. Clothing some style, better than whats on the boardwalk and in next or whatever shop people go to to get the latest bullshit.
Was quite a nice scene to show Bilbo figure out his place as a thief  He may of messed up but still, its the thought that counts.
Was nicely shot aswell with the fight that goes on between dwarfs and troll's, but i did at times feel myself get lost throughout the film actually with the fights as with the face pase nature of fight scenes it was hard to tell which character was which, even hard to distinguish between Dwarf and Goblin/Orc.
But that maybe my eyesight, I should check that out sometime soon.

The scene where the trolls are trying to cook the Dwrfs and finding a way to cook them is interesting  as Bilbo differs again by using thought and words to get them out of the situation by saying the Dwarfs have parasite and are infected.
Which al leads to Bilbo being different and shit be using thought rather than violence.

Yeah its a shit ending, I would of talked more but i can't remember the film, Its not Resident evil 4, I didn't see The Hobbit 4 times in one week like that.
Just the once, and this morning. If you wanted a more detailed review then, well to be fair this may have done a bit more you never know. It may be a one off and shit.
Who knows.
But anyway, i will leave you with my favorite quote of the film from the Vampire Dwarf himself, Mr Kili.

"We're Riddled"

Not the favorite or best, Just made me laugh and still dose.
You gotta enjoy the little things, And you may do as its about a bunch of little people walking for a really long time.

Anyway, I must be off before I start rambling and shit.
Good bye.
Good read.
Good other shit.
Will.